Got a Unicorn?

A couple of months ago, I came across this quote via a dear friend…

For a variety of reasons, I immediately fell in love with it.  First off, it symbolized my recent and unwavering love for the mystical side of life.  It alludes to my own reality.  I don’t always see life through the eyes of the masses and have discovered that there is much more to life than the plans I make for Saturday night, the trip I’m going to take next month, or the school program on Wednesday night (although, paradoxically, the present moment is all we really have).  Here, the unicorn metaphor fits perfectly.

Art by: Josephine Wall

When did I discover my unicorn?  The moment I made a choice to live with purpose.  I wasn’t really sure what that meant (and I’m definitely still figuring it out) but I knew that it involved rediscovering my inner desires and drives.  I had to uncover the things that light and nurture my fire.  Here are a couple of the experiences I pursued that sparked me up along the way.

1.  My interest in soul was birthed out of a conversation with a friend about missing my dad.  A book referral and a recommendation to take a course on developing my psychic abilities kick started a whole new reality for me.  This course reinforced my unfolding notion that there is truly more to life than meets my naked eye.  Have you ever opened your third eye?  You should try it.  No, really, you should!  There is a new, six week course starting this weekend if you are interested.  Leigh Hopkins and Echo Bodine do NOT disappoint!  You don’t have to be psychic (at all) to enroll in the course and you will learn oodles about yourself.

2.  As I began to use the knowledge and skills I learned in the course with Leigh and Echo, my intuition began pulling me towards pen and paper.  Writing, really?  The last time I wrote anything more involved than an informal email was more than 5 years ago in graduate school.  No matter, I signed up for an e-course on building a blog because I knew that my soul needed this form of expression.  I expected to learn a few things about setting up a blog and attracting an audience.  I had NO IDEA what I was really in for because it can’t adequately be expressed!  This course should be called ‘Discover your magnificence, love life and yourself, show the world what you’ve got, and learn ALL the ins and outs of building that blog you truly love!’  No kidding.  Through the course, not only did I learn about building a blog, but I also completely transformed into a person who knew I could do anything that I set my mind to.  Thank you, Liv Lane, for contributing to the path that led me to this moment.  It just so happens that this course is being offered again!  It is more than worth the effort and time if you have ever considered a bloggity-blog-life.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… if you enroll and are disappointed, I’ll personally refund your money!  Click here for more information: How to Build a Blog You Truly Love

“The greatest pleasure of writing is not what it’s about, but the inner music that words make.”    -Truman Capote

3.  I loved the first Psychic Development course so much that I am now enrolled (and in the middle of) the second course.  It is enlightening, fun, and intensely interesting to connect because I finally feel like I’ve found a group of people who are likeminded and understanding of purpose and soul.  I can’t say enough about Leigh and Echo.  Thank you for facilitating my development… again!  This and other courses can found at Viva Institute.

4.  The path continues!  I don’t know about you, but I see a theme.  I must love me some e-courses!  I just signed up for a Writing Course that starts June 1st with Jess Morrow of Invincible Summer.  What can I say?  My intuition told me to do it and these days, my intuition rules!  I’ll share an update after I start the class but I already know it is going to be incredible!

There’s more… it’s #5.  I just can’t share it quite yet.  Let’s just say that I am really excited about… my life!  My dreams are materializing as a result of these opportunities and my own willingness to recognize life’s opportunities.

You can do it too.  You can make your dreams a reality.  What interests you?  Where is your heart?  What risks have you taken recently?  With whom do you share your hopes and dreams?  Do YOU know your own dreams for this lifetime?  Where is YOUR unicorn?

Here’s the thing… there will always be people in your life who question you, mock you, roll their eyes at your dreams, and wonder if you’ve gone mad (for the record, I’d rather be ‘crazy’ than complacent).  There will always be excuses that you “can’t find the time” to follow your dreams.  These hurdles can feel disheartening and frustrating, but you are amazing, and can blaze your own trail.  So, go out there, grab a unicorn, and take a ride on the way to your dreams!  At this moment, you have one life… take the risk of living it!

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” -Albert Schweitzer

 

Bliss List Exploded

I haven’t done a bliss list in a while but it is not due to a shortage of bliss!  This time of year surely starts to feel chaotic and exciting at work.  You thinks kids get excited for summer?  MUST be a fraction of the anticipation teachers feel!   The beautiful weather keeps me on the porch, my family has a renewed summer-like energy, and my life is unfolding in the most unusual and remarkable ways!  The bliss is surely plentiful!

In short, but long:

1.  A quick, but wonderful visit from mom.  Bliss.

2.  Crappy situations that keep me clear about my path.  Bliss.

3.  Daddy watching his son play football for the first time.  Bliss.

4.  Orchids… surprise, surprise.  Bliss.

5.  Online psychic development classes a la Leigh Hopkins and Echo Bodine.  Bliss.

6.  A quieting of the mind without strenuous effort to get it quiet.  Bliss.

7.  Great neighbors.  Bliss.

8.  Angel Numbers.  Bliss.

9.  Nights on the deck in the backyard.  Bliss.

10.  Friends that love and care.  Bliss.

11.  My outlook on the future…. BUH-LISS!

Don’t forget to check out the Bliss List Par-tay with Liv Lane… she rocks.

My Perception, My Reality

Perception creates reality.  With that said, the words I speak are based on my own perception, and therefore, my own reality.  You could live in my shoes and see my life and the people around me in your own light.  I do believe that.

I refuse to begin this post without divulging the BEST part of my life.  The most incredible part of my reality is that I feel lucky as hell to have such an incredible family… a husband who is truly my best friend, an ‘old soul’ son whose sensitivity is remarkable, and a daughter who might be a reincarnate of a flower (really, what could be better than that?).  These miracles are surely not lost on me.  I write this, reflect on my purpose, and want to be a better person because of my family, and for my family.  This is and always will be the most important part of my life.

One of my realities, though, after living in Utah for over four years, is that I have very few meaningful connections here.  I’m sure that can be partly attributed to the fact that I work full time and don’t spend my days cavorting coffee shops, nail salons, and play dates at the park, but I suspect it is also partly due to the fact that I haven’t found people here that share similar views… yes, partly due to my own lack of effort.  At the end of the day, I just don’t have the energy or motivation to seek those connections.

I have wishes and intentions for social connections and a work life that are far from the reality I perceive at this moment.  I dream of living close to friends who understand and accept me for my whole self, flaws and all.  I dream of quitting my job, a job that usurps about 95% of my mental, physical, and emotional energy each day (that which has also been incredibly meaningful).  I dream of a time when I sit to do homework with my children and know that my most productive, patient, and positive energy is spent with my own children and not other people’s children.   I dream of a time when I can make a path for myself in a new place… a place that functions on a higher vibration.

I pride myself on being a problem solver instead of a problem admirer, am working on growing some cojones, and strive to take the plunge with the knowledge that my family can survive, despite my dreams.  I’m holding myself to a timeline… I won’t live with these dreams unfulfilled for much longer.  Soon, I will find myself in a very different place.

I create my reality and I have choices to make.  I shared the BEST part of my life already.  The second best part is that I know of purpose, of soul, of something bigger than myself.  For that reason, I choose purpose and that means I need to let go and hold on tight, because I am in for the ride of my life… on my unicorn!

Purpose in Loss

 

Sunset at Isonzo River By Daniele Pantanali

I watched as the off-white bundle of fur, which appeared to be insulation at first glance, tumble across the street.  As I glanced at the mound in the middle of the road, my eyes caught a man on the side of the road as he sprinted to the middle of the street, directly in front of my car.  In a flash, he was on his knees in front of the bundle.  My eyes focused more closely as I approached the scene and I noticed a body harness collar and then saw his face.  The peaceful face of the sweet pup, eyes closed, body relaxed, lay in the middle of road.  His owner, whose heart was surely stuck in his throat, lifted the head of the pup to assess the response of his best bud who just got struck by a car.

That was it.  My car passed the scene and I frantically tried to process what I just saw.  Kai and Ella, from the backseat, were talking loudly over each other, asking if that was a dog.  ”Mom!  I saw him!  Did that dog just die, mom?”  I wanted to turn my car right around and head back to see if I could help, but quickly remembered that my sweet son, who has anxiety about any kind of harm caused to living things, would surely have nightmares.  I wasn’t sure how Ella might handle being in the presence of a dog who just passed accidentally either, as she can’t even stand to see ants die.  ”I know he’s going to the vet mom, and he will be okay,” were the words I wanted her little soul to believe.

Confident that there would be a handful of loving onlookers there to lend a hand, I picked up my phone and called my husband, who happened to be in the a car traveling right in front of me.  I said, “Hey, you see that?  Tell me that it didn’t really happen.”  The silence on the other end of the phone indicated that he was just as shocked as I was.

I continued to drive, distracted by the image of the owner’s face as he ran to cradle his best friend.  I felt the devastation and guilt that was flowing through his body, and I couldn’t imagine, for the life of me, what lesson or purpose this could possibly have.  Where is the purpose in this trauma?

“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” -Alfred Tennyson

Two hours passed and I couldn’t shake the images and feelings of loss and devastation.  His life was an innocent one, and was surely filled with many walks on that leash, slobbery kisses for the people in his life whom he loved, and dedication to the man who cradled his body after the impact.

Each day, I strive to find purpose.  I understand that our physical beings are a shell for the soul that experiences this life and know that we are here to learn, to grow, and to love.  Pain is an integral part of our journey, for if it didn’t exist, there wouldn’t be a joy that also matches the intensity of pain we experience.  It is easy for me to sit here and tell myself that purpose can only be found in joy and beauty, but that disregards the other half of life, the half that is wrought with pain, with unexplainable and senseless loss.  If we can grow in the face of loss and trauma, we can begin to see a more complete picture of how our growth as souls are affected by dichotomous experiences.

This half of the coin sucks.  I just don’t know how else to say it.  I imagine that the owner of that dog is experiencing pain too deep to describe.  As an onlooker, if I have a hard time finding purpose in such a senseless loss, I imagine it might be close to impossible for him to see much of anything but despair, at least for now.

To who ever might think that purpose is just about the magic and beauty is sorely mistaken.  The real challenge just might be finding purpose in senseless, traumatic, and devastating loss.  Could a tiny piece of this puzzle be about the love that man and dog shared here in the physical world?  Perhaps about learning from this loss?  I bet if you asked him, he would say that he does not regret the decision to share his life with this sweet dog.  I imagine that he is a better person for being that dog’s dad.

Purpose.

 

 

 

In a Nutshell

http://starfields-art.blogspot.com/

Over the past year, I have watched my entire world transform, with some resistance here and there, but with much intensity, awe, and humble awareness of the fact that I really have a lot to learn.  I find myself wishing that there were 10 more hours in each day, just so that I can read books that fill my soul, and write words that soothe my heart.  I’ve watched people stare at me in amazement (almost terror) as I articulate the things that I have awakened to in the past year.  I have also encountered people who know exactly WHO I AM.  I have reflected on my life and its purpose, felt magical and wondrous, and also questioned the energy I exert 75% of the day.  I’ve reached some conclusions about my experience in the here and now and I’d like to share them (in a nutshell).

1.  We have to fulfill some day to day tasks that we don’t like (I don’t ever look forward to making sack lunches, for example), but that doesn’t mean that we are ignoring our purpose.  Sometimes the day to day grind is what keeps us grounded.

2.  There are beautiful things in EVERY single frame that we see with our magnificent eyes.  It doesn’t matter what we’re looking at, there is beauty to behold.  FIND IT.  It is always there.

3.  When we feel like we want to strangle someone, counting to ten is usually a better option.  Better yet, incorporate breathing… the body and soul will thank us.

4.  There are always people who can relate…. sometimes we just need to find them.  I live in Utah… not the most progressive place on the planet, but I still manage to connect with a few people who really understand me.  Love every single friend for their connection and lesson.

5.  Sometimes life is stressful.  I have an interview this afternoon and feel much more anxiety than is warranted.  When I remember that things happen exactly as they should, my heart is able to slow down to 140 beats a minute instead of 170.  Ha.  Kidding.  I won’t have a heart attack, but I’ll be happy as hell when it is over, regardless of the outcome.  No matter the situation, we must remember that there is always a purpose and, ultimately, a plan.  Through the stress and difficult times, we can find gratitude in the plans and the lesson.

6.  Our divine self… that still, small voice is always in our corner.  When we feel like no one is on our side, we are wrong.  There are angels all around us… rooting for us, in every single moment.

7.  We have a Purpose and our Soul is anxiously awaiting our next decision, our next move, our understanding that there is a BIG PICTURE.  When we start living our lives by our purpose, we feed our soul and experience the magic that this life has to offer.

8.  We are part of a larger purpose, the Whole.  What we do affects everything around us.  Put something positive out there and we affect the world in a positive way.  Put something negative out there (including thoughts) and we not only hurt ourselves, but we also affect the people around us (hence, the connection to the whole).

9.  Feel whatever is there to feel.  Sadness deserves attention, pain deserves attention, and trauma deserves attention.  Nurture our pain… nurture our soul.

10.  PAY ATTENTION!  If we ‘notice’ a nudge, a feeling, a message… anything, remember that there are no coincidences.  Life unfolds just as it should and when we pay attention to the messages, we support our own paths.  If we pay close enough attention we’ll even see signs from the other side

11.  My favorite number is 11 and here we are are at #11 (it also happens to be the 11th :) ).  Your Road to Soul is different than mine  (find part two and part three here).  What is Your Road and where does it lead?

Happy Hump Day to all my amazing readers.  If you are here, you are searching for your best path and your own purpose (or you are a distant friend who thinks I have lost my marbles…. and that is all good too).  Don’t forget to visit PurpoSoul on Facebook and click ‘like’ to see us in your feed … and subscribe to the PurpoSoul feed by email (I won’t ever saturate your inbox with all my wisdom at once, maybe only once a week or so… haha).  Love and light to you, my friend!

Got Balance?

http://acelebrationofwomen.org/

When I find myself, on a Thursday night, reflecting back on the week and realizing that I don’t remember one moment of peaceful reflection that was all my own, I know it is time for a change.  The signs are practically smacking me in the face like a mallot striking a gong.

Finding a balance that is healthy for my family, my body, and my soul is more challenging than I ever could have imagined.  You know what though?  I live my life each day by the choices I make and I determine what is most important by the action that I take.  Somewhere along the line, I’ve unconsciously determined that work gets the best of me and my family gets the leftovers (I think my body and soul ends up with the leftover leftovers, if there are any).

How do you walk the tightrope of life and maintain homeostasis in your soul, nurture the lives of your own children, while also maintaining a full time job?  I’ve gotten so wrapped up in the monotony of my daily life that I feel like I’ve neglected the part of me that is able to be whole for my family, and especially my own children.

What I love best about discovering a need to nurture the energy in my house is that the answer LITERALLY pops up in front of my face!  As if by magic, Leigh Hopkins and Echo Bodine are *surprise* offering their Level Two course for psychic development (kind of on a whim, if you want to know the truth… coincidence?  Negative ghost rider, no such thing).

Um, no, I’m not a witch, I’m not crazy, and I’m not psychic… I am someone who enjoys tuning into my own body and nurturing myself.  I enjoy reaching outside of myself to tune into the unseen world, and I enjoy the reflection and awesomeness that comes along with it.  I go into this course knowing I have gifts, that if developed, could lead to a life where my intuition rules, and my purpose is further illuminated.

My life is my life.  I choose how I want to fill it.  The sound of the gong is getting louder and louder, and my need to find more balance is dominating my soul.  Balance is coming, on a freight train, that will slow to a soft hum, bit by bit, in the coming months.  Yee-haw!

 Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.  

-Thomas Merton

For more information about online Psychic Development classes given by Echo Bodine and Leigh Hopkins, go to www.vivainstitute.com

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There ya go!  Finding my soul’s purpose, one baby step at a time.

 

 

Gratitude in Shit

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. -William Arthur Ward

As I pulled out of the driveway on Friday morning, I noticed a speck of gorgeous flower among the dead, dried out plants and grass in the front of our yard.  A flitter of excitement and then a rush of gratitude washed over my body when I came to realize that it is truly spring.  I felt grateful for the memory in that flower to bloom again this year and for the earth that sustains its life, like clockwork, each year.  The astounding number of things that have to come together to arrive at the moment of bloom is mind boggling.  A simple flower becomes miraculous when we reflect on all of the conditions necessary to sustain its survival.

Perfection in my front yard

It’s easy and it’s quite obvious to feel grateful for wonderful things in our lives like our health, family, friends, jobs, and even flowers.  It is quite another thing to reflect on the challenges and difficulties in life and feel appreciation for them.  Given time and distance, we can find gratitude in every situation, for it is a part of our growth in this life which propels us to a more intricate and complex existence.

Here are a few challenging life experiences, for which I have been able to locate the ‘flowers’:

I am grateful for the divorce of my parents because it taught me about courage, seeking out the best for my life, and independence.

I am grateful for the 16 moves we made by age 16 because it taught me about flexibility and gave me a special kind of empathy for my own students who experience frequent upheaval.

I am grateful for every failed friendship and relationship (for they were not failures at all), despite the pain of these losses, they taught me how to advocate and stand up for myself.

I am grateful for the trip to Paris which had trauma painted all over it from the moment we stepped off the plane, for even though we had to discover his passing, I now feel intense gratitude that I was able to see where my dad lived and experience being in his space there.

I am grateful for my fears, anxieties, struggles, and challenges.

The shit in life, the stuff that feels hard, painful, or traumatic, is the stuff that gives us dimension and creates room for empathy and understanding.  Dealing with it, feeling it, as well as time, distance, and perspective must be part of the equation to transform our shit into flowers.

My life begins again when the sun comes up each morning.  I can choose to find the flowers in the shit or I can choose to let my challenges bring me down and define me.  I choose the former, and the flowers are beautiful!

 

 

My Bliss List {#9}

Spring Has Sprung!  My entire list this week has to do with the weather and the change of seasons!

 I *expletive* LOVE SPRING!!

1.  Look at this tree.  No, that is NOT snow, that is fluffy springiness loveliness. Nuff said.  Bliss.

2.  Bike riding with the kids at the school across the street.  Ella learned how to ride her bike last summer in this school’s parking lot.  You can’t put a damper on those memories, and reliving them… bliss.

3. Snow on the mountains, warmth in the valley.  Beauty AND Bliss.

4.  The realization that the dead of winter and the short days filled with darkness are on their way out… nothing better!  Bliss.

5.  Sniff, sniff… I smell changes in the air.  I vowed to take care of my body under stress and although I’ve lost a few minutes of sleep, I feel a renewed vigor about my future, and it doesn’t hurt that IT’S SPRING!  Bliss.

Teaming up with Liv Lane and her awesomeness again this week to focus on the beauty and magic in life.  Thanks Liv! xoxo

 

Mental Turns Physical

Don’t let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of its worries. -Astrid Alauda

Artwork by Alex Grey @ http://www.alexgrey.com/

I’ve always thought that stress functions in my life for a purpose.  For me, stress translates into motivation to make a necessary change, which then relieves the stress and brings homeostasis.  Sounds like a useful cycle, right?  It can be.  Unless the cycle is perpetual, never-ending, and detrimental to my body.

When we moved to Utah from Texas in the middle of a school year, I had to let go of my school counseling job there.  Upon arriving in Utah, I felt a lot of pressure to find a job (mostly self imposed).  The amount of fear and anxiety I carried was NOT proportional to the effects we would face if I was not working.  Our livelihood was never in danger.  Even though I knew this in my own head, I couldn’t curb that anxiety.  I started to lose weight, as I am one who stops enjoying the taste of food when I’m stressed.  I had a hard time sleeping, as I perseverated on the list of things I could do the next day to find that job.  I was compulsively on the computer looking for jobs, calling school districts, and sending in applications.  I knew that I wouldn’t start working until the new school year, which was still months away, but I couldn’t let go of the stress and knew, in my mind, that it was irrational.  By the end of May, I found a job that started in August and immediately felt relaxed and at peace.  My body began to function normally again, food tasted delicious, but shortly thereafter, I allowed that stress to morph into other areas of worry, like being successful in that new job.

The truth about me is that I am almost always stressed about something.  When I fix one issue, I quickly latch on to another one, turn my attention to new stress, and find my motivation to fix the perceived problem.  That’s the cycle, and as a cycle, it goes round and round.

As I face some big changes and challenges in the year to come, I have vowed to myself that I will not allow my anxiety to affect my body the way that it has in the past.  Of course, our minds and our bodies are too connected to eliminate all affects, but minimizing affects will challenge me to find ways to quiet the bully that my mind can become.

How can we quiet the bully and nurture the body?

1.  How do we treat the children in our lives?  We treat them with respect, we nurture them, and we support their growth and development by loving them unconditionally and selflessly.  What manual did we read along that way that says we should treat ourselves any differently than we would our own children.  Can we be our best selves for the people in our lives if we don’t take the time to nurture our own ‘child within’ and treat our bodies and our minds with the respect that they deserve.  It sounds crazy, but sometimes I have to imagine that, when I am neglecting myself, that I am actually neglecting a child that needs and deserves attention.  I vow to check with that little girl inside and if she doesn’t feel like eating or getting the sleep that she needs, I will make efforts to nurture her and give her what she needs.

2.  Do you ever find yourself with a headache and in the wonderment about where it originated, you find that your jaw is clenched and the muscles in your neck are tight and stiff.  Yep, that’s when you instantly have your answer.  I vow to check in with my muscles and jaw more often to assess anxiety levels before the headache creeps up and to make time for moments of quick relaxation (if even only for 60 seconds).  I could easily say that I don’t have time for 60 seconds of relaxation and conscious awareness of my muscles, but that is kind of BS.  I make time for what is important… and I if I can find time to use the restroom, I can find time for 60 seconds of conscious relaxation and breathing.

Artwork by: Carol Buchman @ www.carolbuchman.net

3.  Meditation is a great way to return to a peaceful place.  My problem is that when I feel stressed, it is next to impossible for me to quiet the annoying chatter in my mind.  This week, my sweet friend Tracy (maybe I should start calling her ‘coach Tracy’ for her insights) suggested that I try saying “in-out” in my head as I breathe, in order to quiet my mind, since the concentration would be on those words and the breathing instead of the drama chatter.  Also useful for me is to progressively concentrate on each body part from my toes all the way up to the top of my head while becoming aware of tense areas.  If you are like me, I can do these things for a bit of time and then I find myself having to tell my mind to ‘shut up’ periodically.

4.  In her book Creative Visualization: Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Your Life (Gawain, Shakti)
she spends time talking about the power of affirmations.  I will use this technique when I am feeling stressed and ‘on the go’.  It takes just a couple of seconds to play and replay a message in your mind, and can be done anywhere, during any kind of activity.  I have a sneaking suspicion that I might be using this one quite a bit, “I have the resources and direction inside myself to realize the right path for me.”  Our intuition is never wrong.  The tricky thing is to figure out which voice it is among the sometimes ‘bullying’ voice of the mind. (Thanks for the book recommendation Mel!)  For more ideas and stress reduction mantras or affirmations, click here.

My mind will surely need taming and training as I learn how to face changes without wreaking havoc on my body.  Stress can be useful in small doses, if handled constructively.  I vow to make these changes in the months to come.  I have no tolerance for bullies, especially one that lives right inside my brain!

The Weekend’s Theme

Dr. Seuss in all his wisdom

Getting back in touch with my  source this weekend and realizing that I need to make some life changes.  The amazing piece of this journey, at this moment, is that I can let go of the disappointment that other people in my life will feel as I shed the crap that I don’t want to carry anymore.  Kudos to me!  More on those life changes in the months to come… and cheers to the journey of finding my purpose!